Dear Fanfiction Writers
by Dragon Pants
Summary: That characters of High School Musical write Letters to the Slash community [Warning Crude language and implications]
1. Troy

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

This is in response to the Challenge put out on our Yahoo group by mordechaimalachai if you get a chance read TillThatTime's paradoy too it is hilarious

Okay so due to demand on the yahoo group I am posting these. I am going to put a **warning** on them for Language and Crudeness. So please take it with a grain of salt. And remember that it is a parody.

Dear Fanfiction Writers

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Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Hello, I'm sure most of you know me, Troy Bolton? The object of your desire, the one you write endless tales of romance, hope and drama about. Yeah heres a news flash, I'm not gay. I do NOT like Ryan Evans, and I most certainly am not afraid of my own sexuality.

I mean just because I've kissed him (in the most amazing mind blowing way) doesn't mean I'm a fag, I mean guys kiss other guys all the time right? And Ryan? Psh, talk about such a drama king, he's always talking about how great his sister is, I mean what the hell? Just because he has perfect hair, and gives really fucking good blow jobs, doesn't mean I don't hate him.

It should be clear to everyone, I'm a jock and he's a drama nerd, we do not get along. I mean how could we? We come from such different parts of the High School continuum. How could we ever survive? You don't get me, you will never understand me, you know why? Because I am better than you, I am a basketball GOD. And all you do, is sit on a computer and make up little fantasies about me.

How could you do this to me? Involve me in your own stupid world, with your stupid generic plots. You know what my friends are saying now? All of them hate me, because of you. They even wrote shit on my locker, how petty is that? Ugh, I just don't understand you fan girls.

Sincerely,

Troy Bolton

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So this is is part one of four in the series, I'll probably have the other ones up within a week I think


	2. Ryan

Hey everyone thanks for reviewing! and sorry for the late update, I totatlly ment to do it a couple days ago, but I was on a mountain and the wireless went out, I was pissed. Anyways in other news I was at a youth conference where we pass fake legislation, and we got rid of the "don't ask don't tell" policy in the military and replaced it with an openly gay policy, and we redifined the defense of marrage act to define marraige as a legal agreement between two people rather than a man and a woman. So that was my interesting week anways on with the story!

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Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Please don't hurt me, I've probably done something wrong, or something that has made you hate me, but I ask you nicely. You've got my family all wrong, you've got me all wrong. My life isn't so bad, there are just... things you don't understand. You don't know me at all.

I have a loving family, I don't know why you always have my dad beating and raping me (he said he only did it because he loved me) or why you always make Sharpay so bossy. It's not like she's a bad person, it's just that she's perfect, and I want to be perfect too. She's not such a bitch, you'll see some day.

And Troy, why do you always make Troy hate me so much, he really does love me. Just like my dad does. And when he's not denying the fact he's gay and we belong together forever, he really is quite charming. Especially when he lets his best friend kick me so hard that I can't breathe, it's all because he cares.

So fanfiction writers, I ask you, please stop making my life so bad, in reality it's so much better than all the angst you pile on me. And if you do write more about me, please at least get your facts straight, and I'll try and be a better person, if you are one too.

Yours Truly,

Ryan Evans


	3. Chad

Standard Disclaimers apply.

So here is part 3 of 4. and quite honestly probably my least favorite, because I hate this portryal of Chad. But I guess it's the sterotypical one. So here you go. enjoy. Pardon the crudeness etc. etc.

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Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I am not homophobic, I don't care what you say, just because I'm against something that is SICK AND WRONG, doesn't mean I'm scared of them. How could I be scared of a faerie? All of them wear girl pants and have weak wrists, how could I be afraid of a pansy?

You don't know me, you don't get me. I have to prove a point, and protect the sanctity of marriage so I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but we all have to stand up for what we believe in right? Please stop writing me as an ignorant asshole, I know what I'm doing 100 percent, and don't try and stop me. Just because you're a bunch of fan girls sitting in front of your computers doesn't mean I can't go out and take some action.

And stop saying Troy is gay, we've been friends since third grade, I know him and he CAN'T be gay, he just can't be. I won't believe it, and with Evan's psh. My ass is so much better than his, I actually work out, all he does is work his sister. How could Troy think he's better looking than me, I've got the hair and the body, all he has is his sister. Sick bastard.

So next time before you write anything fan girls, I warn you, stay away from MY Troy... er... I mean, Troy! He'll be better than you'll ever be, not only in basketball, but in life. And you'll never be able to measure up. He's way to good for you, you don't deserve to be sweat on by him.

Cordially,

Chad Danforth

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	4. Sharpay

So here is part four, it will most likely be the last one. Unless somone can think of another one to do, which is probably a no go.

Please remember that these are parodys they are not ment to be serious, I don't think the characters are really like this it is a satire or an extreme exageration. So here it is Part 4 of 4

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Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I'm not a bitch. I can see your scheaming little mind, every time you sit down to write, I see those wheels turning in your head, how can I make Sharpay more of a bitch today. Yeah thats right, I hope you're satisfied. You make me a bitch to Troy, Zeke, even Ryan.

You don't understand, I love my brother. He's not smart, and he's too soft, I have to mold him the best way I know how. He won't stand up for himself, I see all the guys beating the shit out of him, that NEVER happened before he started hanging around with Troy Bolton.

This is all his fault, you can't call me a bitch if you don't call him and arrogant, jock, asshole too. But there is a big difference between Troy Bolton and I, I actually care about Ryan. I don't treat him like a piece of dirt to kick around, no I treat him like a puppy I kick around.

See, you have it in your warped little mind, that I am some kind of elitist bitch, but in reality you are type casting me, saying that I will never be anything more than that. You fail to see my potential as an actress. You fail to see my brilliance on the stage.

I'm not a bitch, I'm just being perfect, in the best way I know how. Obviously in your small mind that is too much to comprehend. Get lost, you're not important, only I am.

Love,

Sharpay Evans

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Love it? Hate it? Don't hesitate to tell me.


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